Friday, March 20, 2009

I've seen the's name is Facebook

I'm convinced that this recession (depression?) we're in has been caused almost single-handedly by the good folks running Facebook. It has to be. Have you seen Facebook lately? It's like no one works anymore. Everyone's either busy updating their status with information about their latest bowel movements, Answering the the latest quiz about the type of invertebrate they are, or whining and moaning about how far our nation has digressed as a result of the new Facebook user interface.

Have we all gone insane? I mean seriously, while the hardworking lads in India are researching solutions to our planet's greatest scientific problems, my fellow Americans are taking the "Which Facebook Quiz Should You Take" quiz. Seriously.

I'm also convinced that Facebook is nothing but a front for the CIA and Homeland Security to gather information about each and every one of us. Think about it. By letting people know that my porn name is Magnum Delmar, the Feds can now deduce my dog's name and the street where I grew up. By listing the states I've visited, spies can now track my travel habits and determine where I'm planning on delivering my next batch of yellow cake. By answering the question about my worst fear in life, they can bury me alive and cover my face with tarantulas until I admit that I'm a terrorist plotting to do evil against my local township. These quizzes take us only a few steps away from providing the world with my mother's maiden name, my social security records, and the list of communist defectors I once got high with. I've never clicked, nor do I plan to click, one of those "allow this application to access my profile" buttons. Call it paranoia but what, exactly, are you planning to access? Why does a digital snowball need to know the list of people I dated in High School? Who are you working for??!! TELL ME???!!!!

And don't get me started about Twitter.

No comments: