Monday, July 21, 2008

I'm giddy with anticipation

Have I mentioned lately I have a wonderful wife? She obviously must love me, because she's giving me a fabulous gift later this week. She's made reservations at Oglebay, a resort in West Virginia, and hasn't invited me to come along. Instead, she's taking the kids, leaving me home to fend for myself for 48 hours.

I've slept in our house alone exactly once. It was the day Natalie was born. After 18 hours of grueling labor (trust me, it was exhausting, I don't know how I survived it), I came home around 6am and slept for a good ten hours, or at least until Cousin Vivian called and woke me up to explain how traumatic it was thirty years ago when her uterus exploded (I will never forgive her for that). So after almost 8 years, the house is mine again.

And what sort of debauchery do I have planned for my night at home alone?

Well, first I'm probably going to clean the house. As any parent knows, cleaning a house with kids around is like trying to mark a path of Reese's Pieces while E.T. follows you. It's really pointless. I just want one evening where I can sit down on the couch without impaling myself on a Barbie doll.

Next, I will head down to the workshop. And NOT expect to be called back upstairs five minutes later to resolve a fight over who gets to log into Webkins just as my fingers are coming a little too close to the table saw blade.

Then, I think I'll do a little bit of research into audio performance. Having two children that go to bed early (or one would hope) and a wife who insists on watching a movie with the volume so low I need the subtitles for the hearing impaired on (seriously), I've never had my surround sound system to a volume level loud enough to be heard over the flickering of a votive candle. Well, I've got the Transformers movie coming from Netflix tomorrow, and the volume's going up to eleven baby. So don't call, cuz I won't be answering the phone.

Oh, and don't stop by expecting to visit, either. All of the above will be done naked. Except maybe the part about the table saw.

Really it's a sad, sad life I live.

1 comment:

Richard said...

The best line is:

"I've never had my surround sound system to a volume level loud enough to be heard over the flickering of a votive candle"

Can I sue that one? Did you enjoy your solitude?