Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Priceless...



If you haven't heard, Freecycle is a network of people interested in giving away and obtaining free crap (and I mean crap in the global sense, not just the garbage sense. Some crap is good crap). If you've got something to get rid of and feel guilty tossing it in the trash, post it on Freecycle and chances are you'll find someone who wants it. Alternatively if you're looking for something post a request on Freecycle and chances are someone out there is looking to get rid of it.

I'm a big fan of Freecycle, despite having been briefly banned from it. I've gotten rid of lots of post-renovation stuff including old paint, a door, and old gutters. I've also used it to gain a new family member in the form of Goldie the Blood Parrot Cichlid. But most importantly, I've gotten more than my fair share of enjoyment reading some of the more goofy posts I find on there.

I've been collecting the good ones for a while. I thought I would share some gems from my collection, of course removing names and such to protect the innocent, the stupid, or the just plain creative. I've found I can sort the classics into a fair amount of categories, which I will do now. I promise these are true.

Category: Why'd you bother?

Offer: Two packages of active dry yeast.

Offer: 4 ripe bananas

Category: Am I reading that right?

Offer: 2 White full-figured bra's (WIRE). Both were wore. Size 40DD.
(Hmm, I was hoping someone was getting rid of a hammock, but this will do.)

Offer:......cloth reusable menstrual pads. I purchased these several years ago and I don't need them anymore. are unbleached cotton made by Dixie Babies..these are 10" long pads for medium to heavy flow.
(What frightens me is that there was a follow-up post that these were taken).

Offer: 2 tubes of hair putty
(Hair putty? Sounds like the new product from the merger of Hair Club For Men and the Gorilla Glue Company)

Offer: Potbelly pig, "Snickers".
("Snickers" being just the perfect name for it).

Category: Good luck with that.

Wanted: Wood working tools, Power tools, bench....I especially am looking for a Router, Router bench, and Jig saw.
(No real man would part with these items).

Wanted: Mac computer for video editing
(Yeah, I must have one of those lying around somewhere).

Wanted: …just entered into the world of public safety in may of 07 and work in a rather dangerous neighborhood on a patrol where there is quite a bit of gang activity. I'm in need of a bullet proof vest if anyone has gotten a new one and have one that is close to expiring or has expired not too long ago i sure could use it as i frequently encounter individuals who possess illegal/stolen firearms and also have had several shots fired at us on multiple occasions. Any help with this would be great. Even if it's not a perfect fit it's better than no fit!!!
(Okay, holy crap! Ever heard the term "you get what you pay for"? It applies here).

Wanted: I am looking for kitchen cabinets. Mine are 30 years old and look very drabby and starting to fall apart.
(And, finding free ones on Freecycle will be an improvement how)?

Wanted: Books on the Rapture
(The event where Jesus comes down to save everyone, or the Blondie album?)

Wanted: machine that plays mini dvd tapes.
(Think about it.)

Wanted: I'm looking for T1 line, any length.
(Okay, the geeks out there have already chuckled at that one. For the non-geeks out there, a T1 line is essentially a very high tech, expensive telecommunications protocol and cabling solution that provides fast internet access directly from your ISP. Something large companies can afford. Something that involves long term contracts with telephone providers. Not something you give away on Freecycle. I think this dude wants an Ethernet cable. Or, maybe I'm wrong).

Wanted: Hp deskjet 960c printer power source
(I suggest electricity, thermonuclear fission, or gerbils in a spinning wheel).

Category: If I had the free time, I'd jump on it.

Offer: Nerd Xing Sign.

Offer: McCalls sewing pattern 3931, for adult men's or women's kimono (size small).

Category: Spell checker ain't gonna help that.

Looking for a died mope or a working Moped

Category: Instant classics.

Wanted: My son is in need of a football helmit for his 2nd grade school play/book report.
(I’d suggest this guy use the one from his own childhood, but obviously he didn’t have one. Nor did he have shouldemer pads. So why do you think he needs protective gear for a book report? Must be SOME school!)

Wanted: Dutch Hoe. I never knew there were different types of hoe, I thought this was the only one. If any one has such a thing going spare I'd be very grateful having just got a house.
(With clogs, or without?)

Wanted: Anything Science Related. Our church is hosting a Science Themed Vacation Bible School...
(Ugh. Too many jokes. I give up).


Looks like I'm getting banned again.

3 comments:

Desi Mommy said...

Dutch hoe... Hmmm I have visions beer wenches. St.Pauli Girl anyone? They're German/Austrian.

Unless they're talking about garden tools... Damn spell checker.

Richard said...

Dutch hoes are the most exclusive type of call girl.

Cassandra said...

thank you so much, i just laughed so hard i cried. i'm still crying. thank you thank you thank you