Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Vitamin water

By now you've probably heard about the tests that were done on major metropolitan water supplies, which found that many city supplies contain traces of various pharmaceuticals that were not removed during the water purification blitz.

What a media bonanza this will be. First, the bottled water companies are swooning, digging out the numbers of their advertising execs and telling them to get on the stick with new commercials. "Mmm, cold, clean, Deer Park. All the water and none of the ibuprofen!".

Then, the tree huggers are going to proclaim that this is the worst thing that could happen to the environment, because not only are we killing our babies, but we're killing or fish and polluting the earth with even more plastic bottles.

Next the water filtration companies are going to get on the stick, saying we all need to run our and buy PUR systems because our life depends on it (now ask yourself, what exactly can't an industrial water filtration plant do that a tiny cylinder of activated charcoal can?).

And finally, there's the cities themselves. This will take some creative thought, but I think we can spin all this bad news toward the positive side.

Indianapolis: Enjoy our late night entertainment with our new caffeinated tap water!

Philadelphia: If Tom Hanks had only had a drink of our water in that movie, he'd have been fine!

New Jersey: We still smell funny and the smog will cause deformities, but our tap water will mummify you nicely.

Who's going to be the first to capitalize on that peppy jingle by Joe Jackson, "Everything gives you cancer"?

As the story goes, people are taking meds, peeing them out, and the meds don't get filtered in the water treatment plants.

A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, an Associated Press investigation shows.

Mood stabilizers? Honey, I'm sorry I pissed you off...here, are you thirsty? Have an ice cold drink. Anti-convulsants? That explains my lack of seizures. And sex hormones? Sign me up!

What I don't get is that millions of women take birth control. Therefore one would think there's a high level of birth control drugs in the water, right? Yet millions of other women have babies every day. Explain that one.

Better yet, don't. My mind is made up, please don't confuse me with facts.

Whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. After all when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, right? Umm, cool, crisp lemonade. Now with more roxithromycin!

1 comment:

Howard said...

I'm a little more freaked out by the fact that we're drinking filtered toilet water. I didn't think it worked that way. We probably dump the treated sewage in the ocean, not our reservoirs. Makes more sense to live on a coast. Now I understand why the red states are in the middle. :)