Friday, May 12, 2006

On geckos, ghosts, and parole officers

My 12-year-old neice has taken to raising geckos. First, there was "Art" (think about it for a second), and when she found it was looking lonely, she got a second one. "Fez" by name. As I understand it, Fez is quite the manly man, with testicles so big that it has trouble walking. But this story isn't about a gecko's testicles, it's about his ass.

So it turns out that Fez has a medical issue. He came down with something known as a "prolapsed rectum" (or as my sister describes it, "He shit himself inside out"). So for all of you out there who worried as a kid that you'd laugh so hard that milk would come out of your nose, well, that's nothing. Imagine your tail turning inside out like a giant piece of popcorn.

Well instead of flushing the damn lizard down the toilet, the family decided to take it to the vet. Unfortunately Geckos are known for car insurance, not health insurance, so they had to pay out the ass for this one (yes, I'm sinking to new lows with this post).

Well, believe it or not, the vet put forth a valiant effort, performing surgery on the critter and declaring success. Stories of tiny little blood pressure cuffs, little IV needles and even one instance of mouth-to-mouth (Dammit Nurse Henderson, I'm not losing this one! Crash cart, stat!) abounded, but in the end (sorry) Fez's cheeks are right-side-out again and he is resting comfortably, though not sitting to well. He has to go back next week and have his stitches taken out (I'm not kidding) and a full recovery is expected.

Pet gecko: fifteen dollars
Sugery for gecko's prolapsed rectum, sixty dollars.
Seeing the recovered fella bounding around his tank playfully, tripping over his huge testicles without a care in the world, pooping up a storm and keeping his ass where it belongs: priceless.

In another story, Our two-year-old was sitting on her bedroom floor playing, and looked out her window to notice that the trees were blowing in the wind. She
said to mommy, "That wind is scary. Just like ghosts and witches are scary."

Mommy replied with, "There are no such things as ghosts and witches."

Jessica smiled and said, "Yes there is. BOO!"

On a final note, another quick update on the house. After three weeks of nothing but sunshine, the builders got rained out yesterday and today. Luckily BEFORE ripping off the roof of the existing house. So we made due by having the heating guy run ductwork. At one point Hilary overheard one of the heating guys say to his boss, "I'm taking a break so I can call my parole officer." Par for the course I guess.

Monday, we get our shower delivered. The plan is to lift it onto the roof of the front of the house and carry it into the new space. That could be interesting. Now, back to my mouse hunting.

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